A new pain became the center of my universe last week. Well, it’s not really new, but I avoided telling you about it, hoping it would go away. I haven’t been able to sleep on my right side for weeks. I ignored it until last Monday when I threw up in my office and burst into tears in front of my boss.
That’s when I decided to go to the ER. I worried my gallbladder was about to rupture, but all of my labs and imaging were normal. At first I declined pain medication, but my pain became all consuming. Every time Twinkle Twinkle Little Star announced the birth of a baby on the hospital intercom, I could only think of pain. “Another ripped vagina,” I thought.
On Wednesday, I was injected was radioactive material to check the functioning of my gallbladder. For two hours, I lay strapped to the scanning bed as my right side stung and throbbed. The radiologist informed me the results were normal. I cried the whole way home, aching and hopeless.
As I pulled into my condo’s driveway, I noticed a woman walking a small, white dog. Its tail bobbed with each springy step. I wiped my tears and smiled for a brief moment, distracted by the dog’s contentment.
As I drove closer, I realized it was my dog. I forgot my neighbor had offered to walk my dog.
On Thursday, I met with a surgeon about removing my apparently healthy gallbladder. We both agreed my mast cells are likely to blame, but there is no evidence. My mast cells are committing another perfect crime. It’s possible gallbladder removal could relieve my pain, but there’s no way to know for sure. Meanwhile, I am losing my sanity (and weight).
I don’t know what I am going to do. Today, the pain is shooting up my back and into my jaw. The holiday season is compounding my hopelessness. Right now, my only consoling thought is imagining giving my gallbladder at my office’s white elephant gift exchange. Luckily for my coworkers, my gallbladder (if removed) will need to sent to pathology. Bah humbug.